Sift & Sort

Sift & Sort

This writing is dedicated to my friend, “E”.  E is in her early 80’s, has Master degrees in counseling, psych and also theology – we have truly incredibly wonderful, thoughtful and deeply provoking conversations.

The other day we were in the car stirring each other up with ideas and thoughts when she said, it’s like sift and sort – that’s what we do, sift and sort.  My response was what a great title for a book…and she lost not one moment in saying, what a great title for a sermon! Yes, she is correct – what a great title for a talk from the heart of a lover/teacher of God.

It truly is all we do – sift and sort through life, through one idea at a time – or if you can multi think – through many ideas at one time. 

When we take on an idea, a thought, we live with it for a while, then what doesn’t work falls through the sifter (If we will only let them go!) of our experiences and what we can be left with are gold nuggets!  Gems. I love the vision of the ole’ prospector, placing the sifter in the  river and gently shaking it as the grains of sand fall through to go back in the water…and then watches to see what is left. Through sheer determination, one does it all over again, and again, and again; determined to find the golden nuggets. Many days I feel like that prospector – seeking the golden nugget.

E and I sift and sort all day long. E has short term memory loss. We are constantly sorting through what is what, and how are we going to, and what is what; again. And then we sift - through the old stories, which are quite formidably at the forefront of her mind and heart. Which story does she keep? Is there a new way of looking at it? 

There are moments when I come to the heart centered realization that I signed up with her through a spiritual contract to attempt to support the journey of choice with a traditionally educated Episcopalian theologian in her 80’s with dementia. Even E will look at me and say; Gods hand is in our relationship, you know. 

My heart has been so deeply blessed through this opportunity. I once was the girl who had all the answers and was rather unwavering in my presentation of them. Now, I have grown into a woman who knows there are no answers except love – and every day I am given experiences in which to live that out loud – by sifting and sorting through my responses, my actions and my expressions, being continually grateful to seek the Golden Nugget.

Spring Phoenix

watching my flower garden rise from winter blows my mind. the past three days i have been preparing for spring on our property. we moved here, where we now live, a year ago this month.  last year i did minimal land projects, planting a few shrubs, one tree and designing two flower beds...wanting to watch the sun and light through four seasons, how the trees bloomed and possibly over shadowed, what would grow where, what is the soil like...all those 'gardeny' like prospects. 

the biggest gift of last season was being given plants from my sister in law and brothers garden. she has been a gardener her whole life. brought up on a farm in Ohio, she is a daughter of the earth. she is a teacher, and knows all the names, and all the needs of each plant - just like the hundreds of little ones she has taught over the 45 year plus tenure as a teacher of k -4; she knows and knew what they each need(ed). 

so, back to the gift of these plants. last spring i drove my car to their home and filled the back of my car with plastic containers of cuttings. by the time we made it back to our new house, one plant looked dead but the others were still okay - i did my best to love them into the earth - i have no linear interest in the names of the plants, i only know what i like, what colors i want against my red house and how to make the garden be creatively pretty and balanced - but their names by pass me - and their needs only come to me by communicating with them. when i planted them i thought how great, to always have some of my brother and his wife's garden in my new garden - how sweet  and loving this is -  my brother is the eldest, i am the youngest of 5 and they being seventeen years older than me - the thought that i would always have something they nurtured, loved and grew from their yard, in my yard; felt very sweet. 

then my sister in law was diagnosis with cancer and these plants become a whole new kind of sweet.

this spring, as i fed, composted, dug in fresh dirt, watered, cleaned the flower beds from our harsh New England winter; all the plants have new life. they each have come up again, even the one that had died on the way back to our home from theirs on the initial car ride, is seizing the light of spring. 

as the plants renew, my beloved friend and sister in law continues her journey into the unknown - but yesterday when my husband and i visited them, i was able to share with her that each plant she gave me, made it, and they are several inches above the ground, prepared, fed and loved for their second season in our neck of the woods. 

she was thrilled. words no longer come easily from her mouth, but she raised herself up and grabbed my hand and dragged me to the door, moving pretty fast i might say - and took me to the garden. as we walked behind the house, the garden was clear, it had been raked and loved. i looked at her and said who? and she said 'Justin', her son. he had given her, and in that moment, us, such an amazing gift, of cleaning up her beloved garden. she lost her balance as she leaned over to touch a bud and grabbed my arm, but we managed, as we do. she struggled to get any proper plant names out, as the mass in her brain has its way with her cognitive skills - but we stood in her back yard watching life renew itself for another season, together.

yes, one of those moments which stays embedded in your heart and mind, written on ones soul. 

as we watch and witness people we love enter into the winter of their journey, the idea that we are renewed in some way; is the comfort. the idea that we shall each rise in some way - the belief that the memories we leave behind us are not the only form of life for our souls in this entire infinite universe, but that we truly do continue to be  - well, this is my belief - i believe we somehow do continue to be and that life is renewed, as nature is showing me - and each day i see green peeking through the dirt rising higher and higher, shifting angles, opening more and more, becoming more like itself in full bloom - yet stronger than the year before; deeper roots, more buds, increased life - 

i look to nature to know about life, and it has never steered me wrong - so i maintain this as my truth - renewal, increased strength, more and more and more; not less and less and less, but again and again and again. ................................................

Miracles

i love miracles - talking about them, expecting them, acknowledging them. of course, it may be easy for me, for i believe everything is a miracle - a miracle being anything which is created or accomplished by an outside force of good which many think of or state as God. i believe God is responsible for all the good i see in my life experience - therefore, it is all a miracle! i find this exciting, inspiring and illuminating.

this must mean then, that if i believe God is responsible for all the good in my life, it is not me, i can take no credit for it - except wait, how does that work?  

what about co partnership? i believe in God the good, and therefore i see God the good. i truly believe i am NOT responsible for any good here - it is ALL God - i could no more create a flower than heal the sick - BUT i CAN and i DO believe that the miracle of God and the Universal Life Force of pure Light Blessed energy CAN and DOES!

in talking about the miracles i experienced today it would be a very long list - i awoke, i breathed - i loved - a friend gave birth to a child - i met a beautiful family at lunch with a little 9 month old light beaming soul who shared glances and smiles with me - another friend gifted me a lovely lunch -- the teller at the bank was delightful! - as i was laughing with a dear friend, a beloved teacher i haven't seen in years came in, sat down, did her work, paid for our breakfast and left! and when my breakfast friend sat down we could not even talk, we just looked at each other and laughed!
in coming home, my grass is turning green - spring flowers are rising,

in expecting miracles, i expect life in every moment, i expect love, peace, joy, courage, sustenance.....all of it! and when i am not seeing this love and peace i expect, i check in with my inner guidance and silently ask why - what is it i need to shift in order to change what i am seeing? what is my partnership investment in this experience? how can i get out of the way God so you can come through?

and this blog acknowledges them - my prayers, my gratitude, my life, my sharing, my teaching; at all times, i hope, expanding upon the foundation of my faith in a God which is Good beyond my expectations - and supplies me daily with all i want and need. 

human notes from the ethers..................

I have rare moments when i consider what it might be like to have an accounting degree and know that is what I do, how I make a living, how I make money, how others see me, how I am defined.... and then I could hang a 12 x 16 inch, ordered by mail gold lettered, black background shingle on an office door, which by the way, is in a multi-floored, three elevator, twenty offices per floor,  business building with 200 other easy to understand what it is they do work alcoholics and offer to the world a linear job description which rings of basic, easy to comprehend answers when one asks you at one of the many cocktail parties or after work mixers; what do you do ?............but, alas, such is not what i signed up for this life time.

I am first of all a woman of God, a minister, a teacher of metaphysics, of faith, of Love - yet I am also; an Empath, Master Energy Intuitive, an Emotional Intuitive and a bit of medium-ship often pops up as well as clairvoyance & clairaudience. Makes it hard to know what to put on a 12 x 16 sign.  I have been doing this life consciously and by my own choice and deep gratitude since I became aware of these gifts for over twenty years. I have been living this life unconsciously since I was born. Living with me is not easy; ask myself or my very patient, loving, kind, husband.(However, do not ask my son who thinks I am crazy.)

Being an empath, I have learned to live with. I no longer pick up other peoples unwanted emotions or illnesses; I hold very healthy boundaries, i am not susceptible to another persons pain. I am very fortunate and grateful for this.  

But, yet and also; being an Emotional Intuitive, my heart is open to other persons emotional personality, my emotional radar is constantly on, sighting one who is lying to themselves, not being honest, in great pain, sad, nervous, afraid, and then it has another layer of where this comes from, what the seed is and then i am able to offer shifts to put new order to the interior chaos of what is showing up in ones life; but only if one chooses to listen, hear and act. And here is my ongoing issue, what do i do with all this to benefit others? What good does this do?

Like any addict, until someone is ready, they will not stop. It is true with anyone. Until WE as individuals are ready to make a change, we will not seek to do so. Be that this is truth and an Energy Medicine 101 facet - some days all that i am able to 'see' can be deafening.  I retreat to bed and stay.  Yes, I do spend much time alone, in contemplation, prayer and simply being.

Example: Recently a client who left her body and went home to the Light. She did not walk this spiritual path of awakening consciously - she had a very rare form of lung cancer (lungs representing fear of life) and she graciously and determinedly came to me till she literally could no longer make the walk from her car to my door. Our times together were beautiful. She received well. I know our communion supported her in many ways - BUT, when I gently would prod at the fear piece, when I could see that materialism was her addiction, when I knew she was lying to ma & herself about her life; she was not ready and could not and would not see any of that. I love(d) her, our time was lovely and I know on a conscious and unconscious level the work, talks and love certainly supported her journey. She passed right before I moved to our new home. 

I realize every one's journey is unique to them, I know all the intellectual and metaphysical and spiritual truth and rules and guidance; but my emotional body sees anothers' healing potential and I want so very much to support someone to walk through and make the shifts. In this case, i was not able to; it was  written. I get it, but i am still humanly frustrated. 

I recently met her husband. He came to me for a session, knowing how much his wife loved coming to me. The saddest thing for me was all my thoughts, all my knowing were confirmed. Every single intuit I had about her was confirmed by him - not because i asked, heavens no!; but through casual conversation and sharings......all i had intuit was revealed to be her truth. One of the times when; 'oh, i was right, damn'. 

Then I question should I have pushed? I know the answer, but i still wonder. I ask over and over, gave her many times to see the truth, I guided her to it gently, i did my job...it simply was not meant to be.

Knowing what to do with such gifts or purpose has been and remains the challenge for me. This work is a dance - and to serve the highest purpose possible, which is my clients/humanity's freedom, we must dance the dance of honesty of oneself. It is not easy to meet someone and know more about them than they see themselves. It is very awkward.  It does no purpose, unless a person chooses to invite me into their lives and support their journey to Self, to God, to understanding Love. The ones who have done this, the souls who have, with such humble courage, invited me into their hearts - there are no words for my gratitude. Without you, I do not live my purpose, my calling. My gifts serve no good. And to be honest, I simply want more of that, I want to live my calling every day, to serve humanity one soul at a time - or perhaps in a group, but I want to be doing this.  I see the highest in you, the most magnificent Divinity which you came from - and I can help you see it also.....if you want to.

after all else is gone..............

This is my first middle of the night early morning visit of private computer liaison-ing in our new home. (One of my favorite pastimes. The house is quiet, life is asleep, darkness of the nighttime offers  different sounds, noises and vibrations than when the sun is awake. This is one of those precious things my eldest brother and i have in common; up and at it when everyone else is resting.) My family and I have been moving since January - between packing, searching and unpacking; which is still not yet complete - and it is May. That's correct, five months of life. Feeling necessary and wasteful all at the same time. Ugh. Necessary - how else to move ones family and sixty years of life without giving time and attention to the all encumbering process, and wasteful for I have been taken up with 'stuff' other than what I love, what feeds me, what nurtures me and makes me feel whole - was there another way?

House searching, the entire purchasing process, the art of negotiating; none of these my strong suit. Packing - touching, holding, caressing, thinking, pondering, gifting, selling, throwing; all of the tangible artifacts of ones life. And then there is the emotional bonds; what we know, our friends, the roads one drives every day, the people at the check out line at the grocery store, the loved ones, the beloveds, ones personal history, the stories, the birthplace; the all of it! Wow, talk about being unraveled. Yes, that is how it feels right now, I have been unraveled. This is one way to find out what is at my center - what holds me together, what truly is at the heart of me. How I pray to God I feel good about what I find. 

Really. Life does that. It unravels you, if you let it. Sure, we can keep going, dancing the dance of whatever it is we use to keep from seeing our own centers, our own hearts....we can continue the addictions, keep the crazy going, keep finding projects, things that are wrong, not right, out of alignment, seeking experiences to do or things that need fixing; or, we can be with ourselves and see what is left after all else is gone.

I am getting close. To the unraveled state. One more box. 16 days of daily unpacking. (Let us not ignore thirty days  of putting all the stuff IN the boxes!) One more box to open. Why did I leave it? Well, I need this shelf put in the closet in order to put the items in the one more box on....so, one more box. After that, there will be the rearranging, the moving from garage to attic to cellar. Then I also started yet another box of items I am still willing to part with - more stuff to sell, gift, give or toss. The accumulation of linear stuff is excruciatingly burdening. Yet, I was honestly not ready to do a more massive size down; and I did let many beloved items go - and yet there is still more.........

I left the arranging of my office for last. Yesterday it kicked my butt. The hallway was impossible to pass through, because all the boxes of stuff I had to unpack and fit into my office were taking up space in the hall while the paint dried inside the office. But, yesterday I started, and it truly kicked my butt. It is a much smaller space than my previous office. Much. I questioned; what do I really need to do my work? I need a space to sit and my clients need a place to sit. Other than that, it is all want. I want my desk, my files, my books. I like working  with  flower essences and crystals and offering body work on a healing massage table - but all I really NEED is two chairs across from one another and silence, privacy. That is what makes the space sacred. The eye contact - the meeting of two hearts, the holy connection. That is truly all I need. BUT, because I am obviously still too human and not enlightened enough to let go of all the 'stuff', I am wondering; how will it all fit? 

While searching for a home, in meditation one day when I knew this was the house, I asked God about the size of the office and was told I would be doing my work differently. My work would change. I always thought I was good with change so surprise on me, I am still fighting it. (ah, that trickster the ego!) Because of my faith that God knows more than I, I have absolutely no doubt, my new office space will become whatever lovely is on the linear plane and healing, hope and faith will emerge in this new room as it has in all my other work spaces; BUT i still don't see it. And perhaps I will not be totally unraveled until I do - until I can get up in the midst of the night, walk into my scared space, sit in my chair and speak with God, listen to God, feel my own Holy Connection - access that space which tells me all else is gone and THIS is what is left. This. This feeling of fullness, wholeness, connection no matter where one is, no matter where one lives no matter how far we travel from our linear homes - no matter how many places we nest, no matter how many boxes we pack and unpack; we always come home to God.

(You know what, I feel it right now. That space of Holy connection, that vibration of fullness...i found it again - did I? Was it lost? No, I was lost. The unraveled is always present - it just takes letting go of whatever we are in the midst of to feel it - get naked with our judgements, our thoughts - get out of our own ways - so we can feel the most precious of precious knowings; that after all else is gone, God Is.)

feelings

i have been experiencing a conundrum recently. and more and more it, this particular conundrum, continues to show its face. another words, more and more folks are willing to show up and push an uncomfortable button for me, so i have to see something. i believe it all became clear in my morning meditation. since i know any and all writing referring to our emotional life is a bridge we share as humans, i will now share with you my teeny, tiny, minute, speck of a speck of awakening awareness.

first off, let me share, i have done this work. BUT there are always ongoing moments in our personal expansion where a teaching, an awareness, goes into new layers, updated wounds, present experiences...and behold!  recently, for a bit of background or rather a jumping off point; i have been deeply challenged with other humans, their responses or non responses, the way we treat one another, peoples lack of kindness....etc., etc., etc.. and tie that all up with a longing to communicate, but challenged and feeling this is so not where i want to be, we are obviously so far apart on this matter, that i am not communicating........ which is very much not me, causing me more discomfort. yes, conundrum.

i spoke with God this morning, and all others in the world of Light, who love and support me, to show me the way through this jungle. two people are waiting for responses, deserving responses, and i am 'holding back'. i am not a natural at the holding pattern. it is not my comfort zone. over the past few weeks certain historical comments were playing through my memory; one was a former minister/mentor who once told me i would be a great minister, if i only liked people. i have given that fleeting comment much attention over the past 12 years. and this morning i brought it up again in my one on one with God. it went along with my stated truth; i do not like to chat about human emotion. i like to lead folks to seeing the God in a situation, to think about God, to bring love into any situation, to support them to call themselves up higher, to give God and our faith the front row seat in any experience, conversation, action; but to dwell on human emotion is not where i want to be. i realized i did not want to respond for many reasons; the first and foremost was that it was all about human emotion. going back and forth about  human emotions is like a boring game of ping pong. we will not get anywhere - until we turn our face and heart to God.

then this happened: i sat and breathed the mantra; I trust God....and waited. I visioned it tattooed on my left forearm, TRUST GOD.

God:
Deborah these are YOUR feelings.

1. Do not feel guilt, shame or judgement about your feelings.They are just your feelings. Its okay, they are just what you feel. That's it, they are for you, not for them. And their feelings are for them, not for you. You don't have to do anything with their feelings and they are not responsible for doing anything with or for yours.

2. Do not blame anyone else for your feelings. No other person, nor their actions or responses, or non responses are responsible for your feelings.

3. Own your feelings. Stand with them. No shame, no judgement. They are simply what you feel. Its okay. There is no right or wrong, remember?  Share if the relationship requires it, or if you so want to; but share in standing with them as your own, without expectations the other person will change to make you feel better.


A weight lifted. The room became lighter. This which I know and teach and have used in mediation over and over again; went to a new level with in me.

Then I went back to a couple of months ago when a FaceBook friend wrote about; how do we speak our truth? and one response was, 'no one else is interested, people only hear what they want to'. and my thought is always, people only hear what they are able to. the vibration of a statement has to correlate with a vibration in their own energy field in order for the truth to have a landing spot, a bridge to connect with, the silent language skills of the thought. we cannot be responsible for another persons reactions. we cannot blame anyone for not hearing us or getting us or seeing us. we cannot hide from our own feelings, or own truths of what we are being in a moment of time. we cannot force. we cannot make ourselves or anyone else wrong. we must, as mediation offers, stand with one another in love; even when it is most uncomfortable.

i have discovered through this uncomfortable journey of time recently, i was blaming others, holding them accountable, not liking the fact that i was not liking them, judging all over the place, myself mostly and them. and yet, there is the HUMAN part which just makes me want to shut the door and run. do not pull me in there, i will not go with you, i stand here with God, with what are my feelings, and just are that, my feelings. and  if we stand in different spots, we stand apart and we must let that be okay and TRUST.

Monkey Mind Inventory

I write unsure that my thoughts 'fit' this venue, as readers have been led to expect spiritual, God evolving ideas and stories....but i yearn to share, so be it. And, IT is all God......and IT is my blog, I can do this, right? My hope is to share without alienating any recipients. Please forgive me now, this makes both our lives easier.

I am in the midst of the book, "and I shall have some peace there". I purchased this little gem of a trade paperback, for  the understated  sale price of $7.98  in my favorite Northampton book shop. Drawn once again to yet another book of a woman seeking herself among this road of human emotions and heart wrenching callings. This is a memoir by a woman, Margaret Roach, who was Martha Stewart's right hand person until she left the big M conglomerate, in search of peace outside the NYC life, to live on her small farm, which sits atop a knoll on the other side of the Massachusetts Berkshires in New York - in order, to garden. And left unsaid; to find her sanity once again, if she ever had it all.

Those of you who know me, know I live on an old farm homestead in the midst of 38 acres, in quiet hard to leave solitude. Since moving here almost four years ago, any social life outside these two hundred year old walls has become almost, thanks to die hard patient friends, null and void. In this tiny New England town of Boxford, it is yet another below freezing January morning. Sitting with tea in bed seems perfectly fitting. But i did not begin to write until i put on my brand new L.L. Bean delivered and washed yesterday extra soft cotton on sale long underwear,  UNDER my pajamas of sweats and  my husbands extra large all cotton long underwear top. Yes, i am chilled cold to the bone.Take to imagine a mature yet light hearted most of the time woman in bed with layers of our favorite fabric in all sorts of patterns and thicknesses, donning a purple knit hat, bespectacled, alone in her king sized bed for her hard working mate is off to work, typing away to make sense of her interior monkey mind thoughts. Oh, and sipping ginger tea.

Well, there is the set up. What this is really about is I have an ominous  birthday this year of 2014. I have never been one to be concerned with age. For the better parts of my 20's on, i never really knew my age, i had to do the math to be sure that I was being honest when anyone asked. I have friends of all ages. But this year, this year I know. It feels significant. And every day since New Years Eve, I have given it some thought. Not out of fear, but out of I believe, disappointment; as well as interest in being aware of this process of aging.

In recent years i have been aware of not belonging to the present or near present social generation, nor do I wish to. Yes, that sounds pompous, sad and a bit discouraging, but it is honest. I can look at People magazine and not know a soul. I do not like most of the music. I prefer hard beige file folders to keeping it all on the computer. I like to feel what I read, touch a tangible something. I will never get a Kindle. I am also very proper, not causal. I use real napkins, polish silver and do not like paper plates. I like manners and 'no problem' is not an appropriate response under any realm. I have flexible yet staunch lines of expected behavior when one is a guest and i expect others to know what they are, which of course, many do not. This is my problem, not theirs. I am aware enough to appreciate our differences, but some may say New England enough and WASP enough to still want them to know.  Fortunately for my own mental health  I am a woman of God, a faith filled soul and my love for everyone overrides my menial and unimportant provincial expectations; yet, they remain.  

I am tired. I am not sure if two weeks in the Caribbean would help, but given the opportunity I would try it.  I spend more and more time in my studio creating art. I am looking for new ways to create money flow in my life. I am seeking to live more out-loud than i have been. Some may say that would be hard to do, but I look at myself, take a soon to be 60 year inventory and see that i am relatively uninteresting. I never really thought so, but in looking out at so many courageous and interesting people, i have lived a very mundane, uninteresting life. My world on this earth plane is very small. This type of realization makes me wonder if I have made a difference at all?

As I look at my younger friends and acquaintances, I see them seeking to do self righteous work under the realm of service in order to better other peoples lives. (How many of us do this in order to avoid looking at our own?) I to, along with many of my sisterhood and some brotherhood, have taken this path, perhaps that is why i see it so clearly. I have loved and am humbled to have lived a small life of service. I hung a shingle of minster, healer, counselor and have met and served a few along the way; but it has remained relatively small and I do not believe earth shattering, as my ego had intentioned. A few partnerships have been life lending, and may even have been life saving, but in truth, it has not been the huge venue I had envisioned. I am just a regular person, not Mother Teresa.   

I have never been one called to travel in order to find spiritual comfort. I have never been one in search of anything over there. I am in pure joy in the supermarket when i run into an old friend and they stop to share time with me. That has been enough.

I enjoy my own company and often wonder how egoistical is that?  I do not enjoy talking on the phone. I use to love to sit  and delve into all the monkey mind stuff. Now it is a bit exhausting.  I love to pray alone.  I want to talk about God all the time. I want to be in joy. I want to be wild, to be free of all my shoulds. I love to paint, to create, to produce anything which will bring more joy to another persons life and also relieve me of my interior bottled up 'whatevers'. 

So, today i lounge in bed, freeing my mind of thoughts, relishing in an ongoing inventory of this life i have led and am in.  As we turn 60, if anything at all, we really should try to be as an honest with ourselves as we can be. I really want to just hang in bed today; read, write. I really want to paint today.  I really want to not answer the phone today. I really want to be humbling honest and simply be who i am in the midst of everyone's opinions and stuff. i have learned that JOY is an inside job. I have learned that i may say this now, and a moment latter I may feel something different. Everything changes.  I have learned that no one can help you but yourself; you must do your own work.  I have learned that God is everything. All I have, from the clothes on my body to food, to friends to love; comes to me through the Creator. I do nothing, God does it all. God pays me, feeds me, houses me. 

Oh, so i did make it around to a spiritual venue after all.............

The Light of Magic

If I could only have one dream, one prayer, one desire - it would be and is - may no one ever miss the magic.

This season of light constantly reminds us of magic. The awe in faces of all  ages when in darkness and light appears is a daily breath of joy. Watching a community tree lighting, or a Jew lighting their menorah for Hanukah each evening, or children seeing the Christmas tree go on or even myself, at 59, rising early and lighting the holiday tree in the dark living room and sitting, and being, in the wonder of the Light.

When my mother in law had Alzheimer's my husband and I would drive her each evening (for it was always new to her & therefore, constant authentic joy!)  around the neighborhood to see the holiday lights. It was quite extravagant, in suburban Boston, to see the multi lit cull-de-sacs, the reindeer, Santa Clauses of all sizes, the colors, the whites, the blinking, the trees! It was a feast for the soul. This drive conjured up the feeling of pure magic, in each of us.

I have given much thought to the words light and magic this season. How important the word Light is - we use it in so many different manners - and all good, all positive, all beneficial. Light emerges from the darkness. Lightness makes graceful the burdens. The Light of God. Walk Lightly. Tread Lightly. Light as in weight, Light as  in God, Light as in the Sun, Light as in to see, Star Light, Light, Light, Light.

And Magic!! The Magi, the magic of the Season, Magical. I ask this often; do you believe in Magic? Is a miracle the outcome, the effect of magic?   And does it take Light to create a miracle, is Light the juju for magic?

And what exactly is magic.al? The relief of our burdens? The moment when we can breathe again? Pure joy emanating from our hearts? God tears in our eyes?

Magic for me is the same as a miracle; that which I cannot do myself. That which I alone cannot create. That which I know God did, my angels performed, Divine Intervention was the cause......that which happens as I pray, that which feels like soul food, that which breaks my heart wide open and it feels good! It can be a moment - it can be a evening. It can be with a random stranger or no one else is in the room. BUT, there is a deep knowing, that other than human logic was at work; and those moments, those breaths, those experiences - I want these for everyone.

Divine Anticipation!

One of the many things I find humorous on this planet earth is communication. I so understand why words do not work. I yearn for the non verbal, thought only communicant of the 'other side'. (I expect that to be much more clear!) One of the other aspects of this in body trip is how I think I have clearly and rather well, I might add, communicated my beliefs and thoughts around a subject and the  BAHM!  My more than words can say 'loved Beloveds' address me in a personal heartfelt note/email and I can see; I failed. Or I most certainly missed the mark I meant to convey. So, I am humbled to send this what I pray will clarify my intentions of my previous blog(which I thought was SO good!1??!! - ha-ha on me) to everyone. Because, I do know we are in this as One, and that if two of my closest congregants did not read my intention clearly, there probably are more of you out there. AND I REALLY want you to hear this.

For me, the issue is, I want you to hear what I am feeling. I am feeling excited at the prospect of what next! I am feeling that this HUGE shift we are each in the midst of is EXCITING! I am feeling we are all standing at the cusp of greatness, of the Golden Age - and there is NOTHING to do. ...just be in it and seek your joy.

The loving, sweet email responses to my previous post I received were so beautiful and had so much love and caring in them, my heart was purring. Beloveds apologized for not being able to send money, to how I can do my work to get more clients & exposure, to support groups, etc. ALL and every suggestion ONLY from their love and respect for me and I am deeply blessed by them.

What I was trying to say was, the letting go of, the knowing a cycle of anything is done, over, complete; is not a bad, need to fix, do it better, different, other thing. I am not hanging on. I am in awe of this change. Throughout my ministry I have always known and believed God sends people to me. If God wants a soul to find me; they do. This huge and abrupt shift is a gift from God which has not yet been unwrapped! I know this because I know the many who have been influenced and inspired by this ministry. I know for a fact that if God wanted me to serve others in the way I have been for many years; I would be doing that right now, as often as I have been for the several years. This is not a place of fear my friends; it is a space of Divine anticipation. My life has shown me over and over again; when one door closes, a LARGER and GREATER door awaits; ALL-WAYS. Through my (almost) 60 years around the sun, I have learned through many humbling experiences, that it is not about doing something right, or being good, or anything like that; there is no judgment - everything has a cycle of life. It is nature. Relationships do not always end because there is a wrong, a bad, a fault;  in fact, when we are brutally honest with ourselves, we wanted it to end, we questioned it, we let doubt enter the building; and then things became difficult - and then we blame the difficulty - rather than admit, I really was done. Did I question my counseling/healing work at any point before this door closed? Yes, I did.

Because my personal healing & counseling practice literally stopped; clients canceled, people who owed me never sent checks, appointments went from an average of 20 - 30 hours a week to none - three; I then wrote a year end letter to my Beloveds to check in and see IF there was still a calling for this/my work. My inquiry was not a call for help; but an opportunity to see if this way of being in my life was still desired by enough people for it to be supported.  I have seen that there is not enough support, enough of a desire. This is good information. This does not disappoint me, does not make me fear; it allows me to say okay. To know that I, as in me, has done all I know to do spiritually, prayerfully and on the linear plane to create this ministry; then I am able to let go of any fear around the releasing of it. What do I really want? Where I am truly?  The truth is, it will never be a full release, because I am always serving God first in my heart, from my life, as my life; it is all I know. But what does change, is where I place my intentions, my energy and I am able to release any holds/cords; all in order for God to have a better, easier, more graceful way of redirecting me to where I am to be now.

Thank you each, you know who you are, for your beautiful, love filled emails. Instead of personal emails, I wrote this response, so all can share. We are in this together my friends. My life is amazing. I am and have been so richly blessed, it floors me, brings me to my knees on all the many diverse riches God has bestowed upon me. I know I am in Gods favor - as we all are; but we must let go of fear and anticipate abundance of all kinds in order for this to manifest. And this experience my friends, is done through our faith, our hearts & our being-ness;  not our doing-ness.

'Thank you Mother, Father, God for this incredibly amazing day of love and abundance. May I feel Your every direction, Your every nudge, Your every lead. May I let go of the old and allow  renewal to fill every cell of my body; for the greater is yet to come!'

Time of Restoration

These are new times. It appears things are falling apart, becoming outdated as quickly as we say yes to it, old ways of being, previous interests, that which we are/were hooked into; are no longer working. During the past ten years or so, many have written about old paradigms falling away, no longer working constructs, institutions of longevity no longer functioning, serving or being purposeful - and now we are living it personally. We are standing in the midst of volatile personal change: shedding, detaching, peeling, molting, reformation, letting go of, overhauling, improvement, rectification. The word which has been brought to my attention is 'restorative'. Restorative meaning recuperative and renewal.  Eventually, after a time of upheaval; soothing, invigorating and uplifting will emerge. But first comes the draining facet; where many souls are right now.

Where there is change, if we hold on to old paradigms it is draining. It is the old; hold on and get pulled or let go and ride the wave! Our government is the perfect example of this truth. It is a law of nature. Life is change. That which worked for us years ago, may not work for us now. That which even worked yesterday, may not be positive for us today. Nothing is stagnant. Nothing. There is life  force, God force in all things - and IT is always moving, growing, expanding, releasing, becoming something different than it just was.

The phrase 'let go and let God' has never, in my life, been more relevant. Since I was a child I knew I had to let God handle it. No matter what IT was. I first had this six year old epiphany sitting in between my parents on a cold seat of an original wooden pew at the Second Congregational Church in West Boxford, MA; as the passionate minister was displaying his evangelistic tone with hands raised and black flowing fabric moving rapidly from his arms - his demeanor appeared out of character for this sedate group of New Englanders (and I liked him very much)  - but the view through my child like eyes was that no one else was moving, my mother sat very staid & erect to my right, in a perfect years of modeling back straight mode, not moving her head for fear her magnificent hat would fall; I assumed. Yet my father not only was staid, but asleep. And the entire congregation knew it; for he snored like a mac truck. It was my job to let him sleep, but when he made a gurgling, sinus like, too loud people are starring at us noise; to nudge him, as to not embarrass himself ( or my mother). After several nudges I realized; God, this is up to you. If I fell asleep, I'd be in real trouble!

One of very best gifts we can offer one another is our honesty without self judgment. For years we have each worked on not judging others. We have listened to ourselves through the still small voices of the nasty guides speaking internal comments - which we would never confess to out loud. But now, now is the time to speak our truth without self incrimination, without making ourselves wrong or right, without passing a good or bad, should or could have flag on our own lives. We have worked at being unconditional to and with others; and now, the call is, we MUST be unconditional with our selves as well.

Being a person people confess to and share their fears with is always a sensitive space to hold; one I have been honored to be in. Holding others as they die, comforting families, discussing why suicide, seeing yet another person with cancer, hearing of the death of a child, the struggles of our young men, the pain of being a teenager, the unraveling of marriages, the ideas of what some people do to others, the idea of abuse, emotional turmoil and the list is some days down right infinite. During the holidays is traditionally a challenging time for many. Our emotional baggage is on display for others and our selves to see. Our pains and our joys are triggered with an immensity beyond our human intelligence. Our hearts are opened through the love which embraces our world during this season of darkness and light. And now, in this time of our human journey, we are seeing from the inside out, rather than witnessing the pain and joy of others, many are feeling the lifelong journeys of their own souls discomfort, here in this human body. What worked for us for years, as in jobs, purpose, work - and what we thought were our desires, our dreams, our needs and our wants; is all disintegrating,  dismantling, draining away from us, through us; preparing us for new.

I deeply believe we are in this thing called Life together; and we need one another. I recently read an analogy of each person being a drop of God - and like a symphony, each singular instrument is lovely; but together they are a breathtaking sound of glorious majesty! We each are drops of Godness, and as we come together in this journey we become more than we were apart. When we find love, we are more in partnership through commitment than we were alone. I do believe this is why people seek love of another, rather desperately at times; in order to become more with more Godness, than they were without it. We who love God, who have personal relationships with God know of this love. We know that when we sit in the quiet of a room, void of distraction of our humanness; we can become aware of God, of the greatness of the universal Life force of Love - and it can redeem us - it can rejuvenate us to a state of peace. We who are aware of the love of God know this when we sing out loud in praise & worship. We who know the love of God know this in the quiet moments of holding space for another soul as they leave their human body and travel home to God. When you know the love of God a precious moment of that love can take place at the grocery store, with a stranger asking for help, with a gift of a few dollars to another human in need, or when you watch a child see the magic of the holidays. God is in all things at all times; it happens everywhere. ...that moment, that breath of joy when all else falls way. When we know the love of God through an undeniable and unexplainable faith; one knows that the human spirit is God stuff goodness; and we prevail.

My favorite book of the Bible has always been REVELATIONS. The symbolism is grand, the story of good vs. evil is played out in a movie like largeness, with drama and leading roles. Rainbows, seven seals, seven angels, crystals, jasper, carnelian, emerald, trumpets, seas, 24 white robed elders and fire.  As I look at the bible as the spiritual allegory for mans journey, I have always seen the final book as the crème de la crème. What this book supports for me is that our human journey, no matter how painful, how difficult, how challenging; is worth it.

So, here we are. Some of us like myself, having had work we loved for 30 or more years and all of sudden, it stopped. Ceased. With no human explanation. Obviously something greater than i at work here. So here we are, like myself, with dreams and intentions not being seen after having done everything one knows to do. So here we are, like myself, having asked for support but not receiving it in the way I had imagined. So here we are; letting go of the old, or rather watching it through our faith in that which has not yet been revealed be removed from our lives; and trusting. Trusting the journey of renewal; of letting the old go by, creating space for the new. Trusting - that when the molting, releasing, peeling away of previous and present personal constructs is complete;  we shall be at PEACE; made new, restored.

Time of Emergence

Advent. Some refer to it as the time of emergence. It is a most beautiful time of year. My favorite. From the light of the oil lamp, to the light of the Christ, to the light of birth, to the winter solstice; we celebrate renewal. And is that not what we do every day; renew? Our faith gives us the insight to continually renew our selves, our lives and our days.

The meaning of the weeks and candles are different depending on who you speak with; here we use the Christian traditional candles.

Advent is made up of the four Sundays prior to Christmas Day. Traditionally, the first week is known as prophecy - it is explained by words like anticipation, expectation. Do you ever feel that? You have a new idea, a desire and your mind, heart and body can be filled with anticipation....., visceral, physical, emotional.........waiting for it to be seen, revealed in your experience? The second week is known as LOVE. I often think of how after we have had a wonderful idea, have planted a seed of thought; we need to love it, nourish it, to help it grow. Between the second and third week I believe we gain clarity. When we love, and sit with that, wisdom blesses us and we can choose; this or that? After clarity we march into - the third week of JOY - sometimes called the Shepherds' Candle, joy is what we feel as we watch the idea grow. We may see how God is bringing all our ducks in a row, bring us all which we need, want, in order to harvest our dream. This tells and assures us we have aligned with the consciousness of the Christ. It is a joyful process! During this time we stand in awe of Gods Grace & Goodness. The fourth week is the PEACE candle, perhaps known as the angel candle. When we know our dream is right here, so close, almost touchable...when our intention is being revealed; we allow our selves to be at peace, the peace which passeth all understanding. The final week is the center, Christ candle. The celebration of the birth, the revelation, the manifestation.

I do not believe there is right or wrong flow to these ideas. PEACE may be your second week - finding and settling into that inner upper room in order help the seeds to manifest.  For me this is about much more than the order of the candles. This represents the Law of God.

The law that what we ask for, we will see. The law that what we pay attention to grows. The law and teaching that we must find and be at inner peace in order to see our dreams manifest. The laws which state that Joy is a gift from God and that Love is the great nurturer of all things. When I light the final Christ candle, for me it is not about the birth of the Christ child; but about the birth of Christ through and as us - as we become and merge with our faith, the Christ vibration fills us and we have revealed in our lives; joy. In our lives; LIGHT!

PEACE - WILD ANTICIPATION - JOYFUL PRESENCE - LOVE; The Christ.

PROPHECY - ANGELS - SHEPERDING - PEACE; The Christ.

The Christ;  LOVE - PEACE - JOYFUL Sound - EXPECTING GRACE!

Any order, any time. any day, any thing.

Blessed Season of Light to you & yours.
Rev. Deborah Evans Hogan

day before Thanksgivng, why rush?

1:27 am, up since midnight. contemplating where everyone will sit Thursday. I had announced we were having a buffet and 20 souls could disperse at will around our rambling house. But now I am questioning my choice. I mean, how is that - togetherness?  It feels disjointed. So, in the wee hours of the day, I am rather enjoying being by myself in our old farmhouse, getting creative with make shift tables and where to put all the pies.

my point is, it is all good. I am not frazzled. I am enjoying the planning, the prep, the all of it. I am not in a hurry. this is new for me. only took 59 years to get here; and 40 years of hosting holidays. some of us are slower than others.

why do we rush so much? in the spiritual - meditative - prayerful - breathing deeply - yoga world we speak all the time, as the foundation for sanity with-in the chaos of this earth plane; to be present. there are so many ways to be this - so many facets of our lives within which we may practice. when we can tune down, slow down the interior race track on all things, our exterior will reflect this.

 I have thought about it for the last two months, as it appears daily in the outer world I am always 'slow' - when I looked for Halloween items, Thanksgiving was out; when I went to find Thanksgiving items, Christmas was out. At this pace, CVS and Home Goods should have Valentine's day out by December 15. We are each in such a hurry. The chaos of marketing pushes our buttons to get it all done now, first, before - get IT all done so fast, if you blink you'll miss the next holiday. And what about this Black Friday gimmick? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Friday_(shopping)

I thought about this today when a dear client, at the very youthful midst of her early twenties, shared frustration at not yet having her dream home, and feeling unwilling to compromise.

There is the disease of now. I find students and others, my old self included, can find the idea of manifestation and visioning seductive; so I can have, what I want, NOW.

But what about the ride? What about the journey? What about all the good, juicy, interesting things we can find about ourselves in the midst of dreaming? And what about knowing where we are is okay. And when we are okay where we are, it gets better and better. In a spiritual context when we are seeking outside, we are not where we are. And energetically, when we 'diss' where we are, we cannot attract where we want to be.

I made a deal with myself this year. No rushing. The dying mums are still outside by the front door. They will not be replaced by anything pretty, green and fresh until after Dec 1. This means my Thanksgiving guests are going to walk by dead plants.  Isn't that what fall is; the slow going within, the letting go, the dying of the old? Do we rush because what we see, where we are, is too unattractive to find any goodness in it? Or are we afraid we will miss the next best thing? Or that someone will 'beat us to it" - to what???!!! Or do we feel that our determination to manifest and create is a sign that we are good students of life, or status, or are we concerned of how we look to others?

I only know what I know for me. It has taken me many years to let go of my determination when it is going 'against' - and to embrace my fullness of being present with what is. I have learned that I will never get to B successfully, smoothly and abundantly until I am okay with A. I don't have to LOVE A - I can still have my dream of B - but I will always find some good in A......so I do not move too quickly through or even bypass and miss,  all the blessings this life has to offer me.

Greetings from my world! Been a while, I realize. Life, as everyone is saying, LIFE!

This has been quite a summer - no matter what moves you; ascension discussions, politics, the weather, family, healthcare, world crisis,religion, energy, spirituality; there is always something to dish about. For me, it is and has been not the immediate, but the larger focus; how do we see the blessing in all this, how are we allowing the good to be our guide, how do we faith our way through whatever the experience is at the moment? How do I reframe it for myself as well as others?

Right now, and this summer has been a rush of ascension symptoms. If this term is new to you, it refers to our individual responses of our individual consciousness' expanding into LOVE, under and with the great umbrellas of what is happening in the energetic over soul of our Universe. Simply, are we allowing the Good to permeate our lives? 

The most recent experience has been one of individuals being challenged to be true to
themselves. We each have certain beliefs which we use as a foundation for our lives. This has especially been showing up in whatever are our relationships, no matter what the relationship. weather it is personal, work, animal or human. We may feel challenged to accommodate another. We may be asked to do our work differently, not a huge shift, a very slight one, BUT it is a huge calling to stand firm in what we have made our own truth. At any other time or place in Life none of these would be such a huge experience, but now; if you are NOT true to yourself, you will get a spiritual 2x4 bump on the butt.  Examples:

- you are a black and white photographer only, it is what moves you, it is your passion, and a close friend wants to be your client, but please use color. You do it, and they come out awful, they are not happy with
them. Or they are happy and you do not want your name on them because you know they are not good.

***be honest, suggest a great color photographer for your friend.

- you are a therapist, and an old and dear
client wants to come to you for only an  hour, BUT the way you work, the way you have learned works best for you is a mix of many modalities which takes 2-3 hours. BUT you WANT to accommodate them.


- you only work from noon to 6. a client begs for an 8:00 am appointment.

***be honest, you are not available, but you will help them find or you will recommend others that you trust.

- you are no longer taking new patients, you get call from an old client who needs you.

- you have learned that in conversations it is best for you to wait until you are asked to enter it, to be invited, and one night you jump in. ( and this does not turnout well.)

- you have promised yourself you WILL manifest your new home. BUT others doubt, they tell you it is impossible to find such and such....and you feel fear rising...and you only look at what you do not want and it feels horrible.

- you make any promise to yourself; to not drink wine at the next family gathering, to not eat such and such, to only make choices which enhance your life, not pull you down; and then you balk, then you are untrue to yourself; and you wonder why the experience turned out so terribly.

At this moment in time, we cannot be untrue to ourselves. We CAN spend time shifting our consciousness and making a different choice; BUT it MUST be done with intention and in a conscious manner. NOT done out of fear, only shifted out of love. 

Only make choices out of love.

Do not betray yourself.

Show up on your life as YOU ARE! If you do not, the Good awaiting you cannot find you.

This is the same law used throughout all choice making. Remember when you were young and wanted so desperately for that boy or girl to like you and you went and wore clothes, or faked interests, JUST to get them to like you? BUT THEY WERE NOT LIKING YOU! You were not being YOU.

Please, be you the kind, loving, magnificent self you came here to be. 

Infinite Blessings & Love, Deborah 

how far can you think?

last evening i sat on our porch watching the fireflies dance and admiring the almost full moon bathe the fields in light. in these moments I know the great mystery.

this morning i sit on the same porch, in gratitude for the air which is circulating. i wonder if the leaves and limbs and brush are grateful for the movement? i wonder if  when the curtains blow and move they feel anything? if life force is in all things, then why not?

i wonder why the birds bathe in the dirt, fluttering their wings as if in water? does the dirt help to remove sticky stuff?

i wonder if when the birds are in the birdbath, are they singing with gratitude for the wetness and coolness against their teeny bodies?

i wonder, when I step outside and the mother deer rises from the fields, does she hear me sharply as I open the slider door or do her instincts tell her to raise herself from sleep? I wonder, does the baby speckled fawn consciously follow the mother or stand and jump off of her own knowing?

i wonder why every one does not realize that it is the love connection we seek. I wonder why it is so unclear with wounded distractions that one cannot simply see that love is why we are here and love is what every person seeks. it is in love and loving that we are aware of our innate connection with God.

i wonder if at any time on earth, will all souls realize together, that the Love of God is all we are seeking - that any other love falls short.

i wonder how many people realize that addictions/distractions - (sexual, drug, alcohol, lying, food, pain, etc.) - are ways to distract one from the fact that they are avoiding opening their hearts to God?

i wonder how many truly feel the love of God, of the Great Mystery in their lives as the One, the connection of all connections.

i understand why we each have to walk our own paths and do our own journey and that no one else can do it for us - and I wonder, would we have humanness without the need to evolve?  would there still be a cosmic need for the human form if we did not require THIS journey to support our individual and therefore collective involution?

i believe that the ones who make it tough for us on earth, who challenge our egos, who dislike us, who hurt us: we love the most when not in body. they help us to evolve in love. this allows me gratitude for/ to them.

i believe that when we hate, anger and condemn we are building disease in our own human instrument.

i love you through the love I am aware with God. it is the only way to truly love.

how far can you think?

Ridin' the River!

July 2013

In Honor of my beloved clients/congregants:

July 2013 may go down in spiritual involution history as a mega month.  The level of potential the universal overlay has expanded to is so very immense, so filled with love, so deep, wide and of such pure unconditional love; that every cell of your being is being touched. We have before us, in this moment, every opportunity to become all which we have dreamed we could ever be.

Then why is it so difficult? Why is this pain in the butt issue resurfacing itself again when you thought it was over? Why can you not get OVER or through that particular experience? Why can you know something SO well intellectually, but NOT get to the shift you KNOW is possible? Why? Why? Why?

Understand this: the massive heat waves are reflections of what is happening in the universal overlay. Think about it. Imagine a pressure cooker………………………

Imagine this: You are going down a river in a boat. You are in it all by yourself. You can see the end…you can sense there is a finish…the stream is carrying you – you realize if you try to control it, another words fighting or going against the nature of the ride, you will rock the boat, you may tip over – so you sit and watch. You may hit some rough spots, watch them go by. You may lose some items from the boat as you bash the rocks or a wave takes them or the rapids carry you. But you keep holding your center. Your hands are on the seat, you breathe, you imagine the end. You imagine the calmness, the gentleness of the drifting into the settled feeling of the end of this ride. You imagine the moment when the bottom of your boat touches land and the movement of the waves, the turbulence of the river itself, the very nature of the water against rocks; ceases. No more jets, no more unexpected waterfalls, no more rocks, no more rapids.

Was it worth the ride?

All you can do is watch. Keep your center. You cannot get out and move the rocks. You cannot stop the rapids – they are part of the nature of the river. The nature of change is discomfort, especially when you hold on too tight. People hold on too tight when they lack faith, when they try to control. Change CAN be rather entertaining – when we let go and let God.

This stream of God consciousness is all around you and has avenues of life force pouring through you – it is always moving, always calling, always beckoning you towards and as it – BUT if you are in the way – well, can you say spiritual 2 x 4?

*You know you are in the way if you are in pain.

*You know you are in the way if you are emotionally attached to anything.

*You are in the way if you are trying to figure out what to do.

*You know you are in the way if your story hasn’t changed.

*You are in the way if you’re wondering what your next move should be.

*You are in the way if you are ‘worried’ about anything.

 

Oh, you’re a rock. I see you.

Oh, you’re a rapid. I feel you.

Oh, you’re a jetty…..look at you swirl the boat around.

 

LET GO AND LET GOD. No matter what it is, do it.

Last week a client asked me how come always have time for her? Why aren’t  I busier?

I am busy. Very busy. My schedule is full. BUT I let God handle my schedule. It is always perfect. I never worry what if, will I have time, how many clients? I also never time hard boiled eggs. I always get a prod when they are done. HAND IT OVER.

 

Take yourself out of it. That is what the river ride teaches us. You may not have conscious control over the ride, but you DO have choice as to how you see it and that perception will instantly shift how you experience it.  And that experience will in turn shift your vibration and your future experiences.

 

Intellectual understanding is the first level of getting something – of understanding the laws I offer. BUT change does not happen at the level of understanding. Change happens at the level of vibration. The feeling level. The emotional level. The vibe level. The God connection level.

The moment many are experiencing is the moment of understanding intellectually – but not yet embodying.  The moment many are experiencing is that they have the mind part – they FEEL relief when with me, when we talk – BUT in the everyday they have yet to let go and let God. How do I do that? Tell me what to do Deborah and I will do it! 

Change your face – look at something different. Pray. Meditate upon the good. Give to others what you wish for. Do anything which brings you JOY. Faith is a practice.  Knowing something intellectually and the spiritual path of unraveling  is like learning the piano – you can play a piece well when it is front of you – practice goes well, you learn more and more the more you practice – but at the moment you are onstage – you freeze. Or now is like college – okay, you have a degree, good for you – know go learn how to use it. Now is what happens when someone is very smart – mind  intelligence is good, it is on the road map to the heart – but not until you let go and fly will you  know God…or know what you REALLY know at a deep level.

In this moment in time, many are experiencing a rough ride, an intense ride focused on a long term kernel at the bottom of the popcorn bowl.  That one piece which is left uncooked and if you gnash down on it will break a tooth. Don’t. Let it be. Trust. Now is the time to let go and fly – to watch God work miracles. Step out of the way – give it over.

*You will know you have handed something over when you truly do not think about it anymore.

*You will know you have handed something over when your answer is, God is in charge of this. Not me.

*LOVE is the bridge. Intellectual understanding leads us to practice, practice leads us to Love, love leads us to trust and trust brings us to letting go.

We are in the letting go facet  – the hardest part. The most profound part.  Up till this point you have practiced – now, you are in the big leagues! You may have practiced on things which you were not that attached to, you may have practiced with folks you did not have emotional connection with, you may have practiced with experiences which you could take or leave – BUT NOW you can take all the faith you can muster and give it over, this important something, this experience, this painful whatever it is – and behold God.

 

Recent Ascension Symptoms:

* The moment you make a decision to do something, you forget.

* The moment you decide to go there, (wherever there is) you forget why.

* The moment you try to have control over your schedule, SOMETHING comes in and messes it up!

* You are in pain about something; physical or emotional.

* Sleeplessness.

* You feel strongly / attached about a choice YOU made and then BAMM ! An outside something changes it. (You are in the WAY!)

* LightBeings are finding increased sensitivities to foods – knowing what you can and cannot take in your body.

* LightBeings are hearing another voice, which is not referred to as a guide or from spirit(non-physical) realm, but their own higher voice, their own innate wisdom…...the wisdom of God, the wisdom which IS.

 

If you have been on a conscious spiritual awakening path in recent years, you cannot be in the world right now the way you have been. You have learned many things, read many books, listened to many workshops and teachers; your vibration has changed. IF you are in the midst of interior conflict and you are trying to do it the OLD way – and you feel disconnected. Because you are. The new way is not a natural response yet and it feels award and uncomfortable and is  called: TRANSFORMATIION. It feels like riding a rapid river. So, hold steady. Practice faith. Talk to the old way and tell it is no longer is your highest path to take…….you are now taking this path:

 “Today I let go and let God. I hand over this and this and this. I step away for the experience and KNOW that God is handling  this  better for everyone and my faith shows me; God knows best!”