Saturday, December 31, 2011

Good bye 2011, Hello 2012

I send you love.

I have never before truly looked forward to a New Year, but from my heart, 2012 is one new day which I am sincerely looking forward to.

2011 brought much "business" to The ALM. I was brought away from church ministry in the traditional sense, and private practice was the root of my calling. I have sat in awe of the human spirit and the inner strength which when called upon, trusted and allowed shines forth. I have sat in honor of so many souls; you have trusted me and I in turn have trusted God.
You have placed me in your lives in ways I never could have seen possible and when I sit and contemplate Love; I think of you.
I think of your faces, hearts, journeys every day. I think of your lives, your joys, your heart wrenching opening moments and I give thanks.

A beloved told me this year she feels like my office is her church. One on One church.

I think of you, those who I have served at numerous churches, I think of you.
 I send you love.

I think of the strangers who some how get my number.....or the person who says your card popped up on my desk....or the woman who knew so and so or the client who just happened to walk into store to ask directions and met me......or the man who found me on the internet and I ended up talking his son through painful times.......I think of young mothers dying, couples being married, partners finally being able to be 'legal', ......I think of you.
I think of your face lighting up during a class as you remember, I think of the joy you felt when you 'got it', I think of your tears you sobbed in my presence......I think of you.
I think of how I ran into you last week after a while and it felt heart warming and loving. I think of your voice saying thank you. I think of crawling up next to you as we talk about your fears and assuring you, God is here. I think of you.

I think of your faces when at the altar of the service you said "yes", "I do", and embraced in luscious love.

I truly do hold you each in my heart. Even if you have not been an active part of this ministry for years; I remember you. I wonder how you are. I send you love.

I offer you my deepest gratitude for allowing me, little Debbie Evans from North Andover, the honor of being a teeny facet of your journey. Thank you for being such a HUGE part of mine.
To 2012.

with great love & gratitude, Rev Deb

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Divine Perfection of Different

Word Origin & History
integrity
c.1450, "wholeness, perfect condition," from O.Fr. integrité, from L. integritatem (nom. integritas) "soundness, wholeness," from integer "whole" (see integer). Sense of "uncorrupted virtue" is from 1548.
 
 
I have been in deep thought and ponderness lately. I wonder  about the words integrity and responsibility. I found the above  meaning for the first choice of mind contemplations, and with a sense of understanding I offer it to  you. I love the use of wholeness, from the Latin root whole. As I often call myself on being in integrity with life, clients, my work; I see the perfection of uncorrupted virtue........for when we are not in integrity, as when we are not in alignment with Love; our own wholeness is cracked, fractured, corrupted.
 
Being honest, the simplicity of such an act, appears to be difficult for some - being honest brings about a vulnerability, doesn't it? What if they really see me? What happens if they really know what I am thinking? Will they like me, will they agree with me? If I say this, this that I am truly feeling and express that I am not in agreement with them......where will I be?  Not being something for the approval and acceptance of another, is truly carving a bit of ourselves away.
 
Here  is me being honest and vulnerable: "I am so tired of hearing preachers, minsters, clergy say "when you are in Gods house." It is said in  church. I have heard it said as if it's a threat to the congregation; come on, you are in Gods house now, be honest.......Are we NOT ALL-WAYS in Gods house? Isn't our body Gods House? Are we not, every day, no matter where we are in GODS HOUSE? The earth, the universe, the supermarket! Please, know that no matter where you stand, you are in Gods house. The (traditional) misconception of teaching that the church building is Gods house has allowed too many to stray from the fold. It has left a fracture, a place for lack of wholeness and my emotions around this bring my fire up. You come in here and you are in Gods house, you go out there and do what you what. NOT. "
 
(Okay, that felt good, thank you!)
 
It seems that we sometimes place the wholeness of ourselves at risk for the acceptance of another human being.  OR do we place our own wholeness at risk because we are self judging and cannot be honest with who we are at that moment? Does it come down to self acceptance, trust in our own feelings, faith in the divine perfection of different?
 
The emotional attachments of responsibilty can be overwhelming. As all who are in a therapuetic line of work...we know and experience the boundary of this is yours to do, I cannot do it for you. It can be a thin line, a gray line, a wavering line.....but it is always there. Sometimes it takes a microscope to see it. It can take days, hours, painful moments to find it; but it is always there.
 
Integrity can guide us to where the line of responsibility is - how to find it - how to listen for it. This is not mine, this is yours. I can not do that for you, you have to make the choice to do it or not. I find that when I trust the work, the line comes through so bright and deep I cannot help but see it. When I trust God, all is made clear. I find that when I take me out of the equation, and always remember this is  about them and God, me and God....then I see clealry.
 
We each can do the same in all aspects of our lives. In a parenting, in being in relationship, in any moment. This is yours, not mine. This is mine, not yours. The basic, basic first lesson a six month old learns when in his/her first play group. Good lesson. Very good lesson.
 
Kindness, honesty. Integrity, being honest and kind at the same time. Responsibility, taking action through honesty and kindness. Honesty and kindness is a powerful combination. Stand in God. 
 
When I take a stand, even if another human cannot see the struggle I am standing in; I have to ask for Jesus to guide me, to help me, to take my hand and not let go. I aks for my angels to hold me up. I ask for all the non physical Light filled assistance possible. And then I am brutally honest with myself.
 
And I ask, because I am fully convinced, I KNOW, that alone, we humans cannot do it. We can't even get up in the morning without Gods help; I do not know how to get my body to breathe, do you? 
 
Get vulnerable, be yourself, stand in Faith, and allow honesty  combined with integrity to lead you. This is being responsible for God and therefore; for yourself. No one is like you. No one will ever be like you. You are unique, beautiful and amazing. You stand in integrity through faith and all good will come to be your experience. You will stand in wholeness. If you one does not stand in faith of God, the Higher Power; I see fracture, I see pain.  I do not want that for any one. I want for you, what I want for myself. A peace which passes all and any human understanding through a personal relationship with God, Holy Spirit, the non physical Light, Creator.  
 
with great love & gratitude,
Rev. Deborah
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, December 12, 2011

In the Wilderness



Hello Everyone – Namaste;
The energetic intensity of the past few weeks has and is causing some to feel ‘squeezed’. And in this squeezing one is seeing their own stuff, not someone else’s, but one’s own wounds, patterns and disconnections. In a more traditional wording; one is in the wilderness.

In the wilderness we are in the unknown, in new territory. We do not know which way to go, how to get somewhere else, how to find our way, what to say, what to ask, which way to turn. In the wilderness we are new, we are babes. We feel alone. It is a mighty scary place indeed – and even more frightening if we keep expecting the security of a handwritten outcome and the guarantees that go along with all that means to show up BEFORE we take that first baby step. That way of thinking only keeps us in the desert and creates the gerbil wheel of insanity to form in our minds – leaving our hearts running on empty.

Now if one would like to dig deep into the Season, we could also say one is a virgin – in new territory – never before done this or that, feeling insecure, not knowing how, doing the unexpected and being afraid because it is all NEW. And the bold truth is that every day we wake up, we are virgins. We have no idea how the day will become and where we will go.  When we are in new territory, feeling like a babe, that too is a virgin state. Every moment we find ourselves in prayer, we in a virgin state – we are in something we cannot do, fix or figure out by ourselves, so we are calling in God and all other good in order to help us or another find their way through this new territory they are experiencing.
In my ‘a different church every Sunday tour’ I am on, yesterday I went to the Congregational Church of Topsfield. Here is a prayer from them:

“Gracious and merciful God, we confess to you our reluctance to enter the wilderness places where we are confronted with our true selves. The places where we are tempted to put worldly values before our desire for you. When we are tempted to use the gifts you give us to benefit ourselves at the expense of serving others: Forgive us God and increase our trust in you. Merciful God, forgive us our sins and fill us with your Spirit that we put our whole trust in you as confidently as Jesus did. Amen.
For many of The ALM/CoSE family this may sound a bit old school and patriarchal; but read it anyway and speak it out loud. It carries good, real, true, insights. God is gracious and based on how humans treat themselves and one another – more merciful than anybody I know can imagine. And we DO put worldly values before our desire of God. It is what gets us feeling empty, sad and afraid. That’s a no brainer, my beloveds. Whenever you even think about or if you are living a life where you place worldy deisres BEFORE your desire to know God as your self; well, it is not a comfortable place to be. And if you DO know Gods goodness and generosity and then try to USE that in a righteous state of saying you are serving another human – well my friends; ego will have the upper hand.

Jesus exemplified perfect trust in God. We cannot possibly know it all – we may not even know a little teeny tiny bit of IT – but we do know how it feels inside our own bellies when we stray from seeking the highest form of Love and compassion and kindness in any given action to ourselves or another human being. And this is why I teach you the discernment process in order for you to KNOW thyself so you can use your inner compass in depending on this nonphysical entity called Holy Spirit in order to find your way out of your wilderness; or as you have heard me say, your head is in a paper bag and you can’t find your way out.
If you are seeing your own self clearly, seeing your error, your lack way of thinking, seeing things you simply do not like about yourself; first off, be gentle on yourself.  Then accept yourself for where you are. It is an experience. If you see you have been selfish; know, okay, I have been selfish. I chose this experience in order to know God more. You are human, you are here in form to become more loving; to know God. That is not an easy trip and one of less courage does not choose to make it.

Secondly, take a breath. Okay now, affirm your faith in God. Pray. Sit. Read, repeat, mantra, OM, sing, dance, do an act which brings you into your awareness of your all ready made connection of God. And ask to have the same faith in God that Jesus exemplified.
  “Mother, Father God I am here. I ask to know You deeply – I ask to feel  You without doubt. I ask to know the same faith, trust and dependency on You which my brother, friend and way shower Jesus did. I ask to feel You in my belly, deep in my heart, in every cell of my body – in order to choose a more loving action for and to myself and others. Thank you God.”

Okay, thirdly; today, do it differently. Take a small baby step through the unknown wilderness and do something differently than you have been doing it. Anything. 
Tomorrow, wake up and start again.

When we are in the wilderness, virgins on a new unexpected experience of spiritual sight; we have to accept who we are and where we have been. And we can only do that through knowing that we are each human, each frail  along the journey, each forgiving of ourselves and others, each surrendering to God in order to heal our hearts; KNOWNG this is NOT something we do alone. No one does it alone. Every single person is the same and wants the same thing and came here to experience an individual journey in order to find it. E-v-e-r-y one. No matter what they do for work, who they are, what language they speak, how rich or poor, how educated or not. Every single person is a child of the Most High God and every single person is struggling in some way -- to find their way -- out of their own paper bag. Be gentle on yourself and others, and sooner than latter you will find your way out of the wilderness. 
with great love, Rev Deb