Friday, August 1, 2014

human notes from the ethers..................

I have rare moments when i consider what it might be like to have an accounting degree and know that is what I do, how I make a living, how I make money, how others see me, how I am defined.... and then I could hang a 12 x 16 inch, ordered by mail gold lettered, black background shingle on an office door, which by the way, is in a multi-floored, three elevator, twenty offices per floor,  business building with 200 other easy to understand what it is they do work alcoholics and offer to the world a linear job description which rings of basic, easy to comprehend answers when one asks you at one of the many cocktail parties or after work mixers; what do you do ?............but, alas, such is not what i signed up for this life time.

I am first of all a woman of God, a minister, a teacher of metaphysics, of faith, of Love - yet I am also; an Empath, Master Energy Intuitive, an Emotional Intuitive and a bit of medium-ship often pops up as well as clairvoyance & clairaudience. Makes it hard to know what to put on a 12 x 16 sign.  I have been doing this life consciously and by my own choice and deep gratitude since I became aware of these gifts for over twenty years. I have been living this life unconsciously since I was born. Living with me is not easy; ask myself or my very patient, loving, kind, husband.(However, do not ask my son who thinks I am crazy.)

Being an empath, I have learned to live with. I no longer pick up other peoples unwanted emotions or illnesses; I hold very healthy boundaries, i am not susceptible to another persons pain. I am very fortunate and grateful for this.  

But, yet and also; being an Emotional Intuitive, my heart is open to other persons emotional personality, my emotional radar is constantly on, sighting one who is lying to themselves, not being honest, in great pain, sad, nervous, afraid, and then it has another layer of where this comes from, what the seed is and then i am able to offer shifts to put new order to the interior chaos of what is showing up in ones life; but only if one chooses to listen, hear and act. And here is my ongoing issue, what do i do with all this to benefit others? What good does this do?

Like any addict, until someone is ready, they will not stop. It is true with anyone. Until WE as individuals are ready to make a change, we will not seek to do so. Be that this is truth and an Energy Medicine 101 facet - some days all that i am able to 'see' can be deafening.  I retreat to bed and stay.  Yes, I do spend much time alone, in contemplation, prayer and simply being.

Example: Recently a client who left her body and went home to the Light. She did not walk this spiritual path of awakening consciously - she had a very rare form of lung cancer (lungs representing fear of life) and she graciously and determinedly came to me till she literally could no longer make the walk from her car to my door. Our times together were beautiful. She received well. I know our communion supported her in many ways - BUT, when I gently would prod at the fear piece, when I could see that materialism was her addiction, when I knew she was lying to ma & herself about her life; she was not ready and could not and would not see any of that. I love(d) her, our time was lovely and I know on a conscious and unconscious level the work, talks and love certainly supported her journey. She passed right before I moved to our new home. 

I realize every one's journey is unique to them, I know all the intellectual and metaphysical and spiritual truth and rules and guidance; but my emotional body sees anothers' healing potential and I want so very much to support someone to walk through and make the shifts. In this case, i was not able to; it was  written. I get it, but i am still humanly frustrated. 

I recently met her husband. He came to me for a session, knowing how much his wife loved coming to me. The saddest thing for me was all my thoughts, all my knowing were confirmed. Every single intuit I had about her was confirmed by him - not because i asked, heavens no!; but through casual conversation and sharings......all i had intuit was revealed to be her truth. One of the times when; 'oh, i was right, damn'. 

Then I question should I have pushed? I know the answer, but i still wonder. I ask over and over, gave her many times to see the truth, I guided her to it gently, i did my job...it simply was not meant to be.

Knowing what to do with such gifts or purpose has been and remains the challenge for me. This work is a dance - and to serve the highest purpose possible, which is my clients/humanity's freedom, we must dance the dance of honesty of oneself. It is not easy to meet someone and know more about them than they see themselves. It is very awkward.  It does no purpose, unless a person chooses to invite me into their lives and support their journey to Self, to God, to understanding Love. The ones who have done this, the souls who have, with such humble courage, invited me into their hearts - there are no words for my gratitude. Without you, I do not live my purpose, my calling. My gifts serve no good. And to be honest, I simply want more of that, I want to live my calling every day, to serve humanity one soul at a time - or perhaps in a group, but I want to be doing this.  I see the highest in you, the most magnificent Divinity which you came from - and I can help you see it also.....if you want to.

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