Yes to Faith

Advent is a favorite time of year for me. The going within, the weekly reminders of the season - and this past first Sunday of Advent was a celebration of Faith. The church service I went to was perfect for me - faith was explained from the eyes of Mary - being asked to have faith in her calling to mother, to walk in faith as she was asked to do what was looked upon as irreverent, wrong and in biblical times; reason for stoning or worse - an unmarried woman, pregnant. We were brought to consider Mary's perception, fears and courage - it was, in all the first Advent Sunday Faith topics I have heard and given - perhaps my favorite. The music, the words, the energy - it was wonderful.

In my inner sanctum of self, the place I went to during this vibrant message was the virgin part - how we are each virgins in the essence of being asked to have faith in anything which is new to us. And of course, this is the only time we need faith, when something is new, when we have not done it before, when our built in ego screams; No! Usually we feel okay, unruffled when asked by Spirit to do something we have done before - something not new to us - BUT when we are guided to do yet another NEW thing - to get up and move, to say yes to a new endeavor, to take a brand new action - it is that uncertainty of exposure, that wavering and sometimes relentless voice of ego that we cannot succeed, that gut wrenching fear of the unknown which rears its ugly head.

What I have observed in my years of ministry is that it truly is fear itself, not the goal which takes our humanness over. Look at the conversations we avoid, the class we put off for literally years, the move we always yearn to take and never do, the volunteer program we seem to never have time for......that church we never get to. Take a moment and consider all the experiences you so neatly avoid.

I know, when the time is right, when the stars align, when all the pieces fall into place we will make the move. But, what about answering the call? What about trusting the vibrant call from God to say YES! Perhaps all that is missing is saying YES.

And this can be about what appears to be the smallest of actions, the least life changing choices, the simplest of shifts.

There is no doubt that our lives become easier when we have Faith in God, the Universal Isness, the Great Cosmic Perfection - to support our choices, our actions, our prayers. It is important for us to surround ourselves with others who support our dreams, our ideas, our hopes, our prayers. Some of us have that in partnership, others have family, or community - like minded souls where being in their vibration helps to support your own dreams and visions. Yet, when we take on God as our partner, all things are possible. When we take on the cloak of Faith in saying yes to our dreams and hopes - when we discern through prayer what it is we are to do - no matter how minute or 'unimportant' the action may seem; we are claiming our good.

Mary claimed her good through faith in God. When an angel speaks, one listens!

I was reading a piece today from Dr Ernest Holmes, founder of Religious Science. He spoke about the fact that the only reason it is more difficult to manifest one million dollars than a dime is because someone told us. Somewhere along the life path, someone said a million is better, worth more than a dime and therefore is more difficult to manifest. Because someone told us. The holy connection begins right there - someone told us.

Listen to people who love, adore and believe in you.  Tell everyone you know; yes, you can succeed. Provide positive support to friends and family  and strangers alike; Yes, you can. I feel my interior cringe when I hear people say no. No, that cannot be done - no, that is a bad idea - no, that won't work. No, that is too hard - no, that sounds too difficult - no, that is not necessary - no, I do not have enough money - no, I have to wait, no, no, no, no. NO, its too hard - no, it has not been done before - no, I have never done that - no, I have always done it this way. No, no, no. Way too many no's in the world.

Yes,......sometimes we have to say no to what we do not want in order to say yes to what we do want. Say no to the fears, no to the voices in the head, no to anyone who is not supportive. This also takes faith, trusting in the not yet revealed, knowing God is always working for our Good.

Mary said Yes. And in saying Yes through her faith in God, Joseph joined her. She was given all she needed. God provided. Faith in the unseen, in the yet not experienced. No to the old stories and fears. Our faith is the bridge to the Cosmicness of life - Yes to and through our Faith. Faith in God can give us the courage to surrender and simply say 'yes.'
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I said yes this past Sunday in going to a church I once had been part of, but had not been to in maybe two or more years. Seeing old friends and aquantiances fed me. And the BEST was there were other woman who had felt called and had not been for 1- 3 years!  We all said yes. There was an old friend  who just happened to be in town from Pittsburg! The joy list goes on and on. I said yes and it was wonderful!

Driven to Distraction

In this most recent inward search I am presently in the midst of, every day more poignant and relative awareness's are revealed. God, this Great Isness of Life is all-ways working for us, if we would just get out of the way. But in our humanness, we are driven to distraction, as the title of one of the all time best selling books on ADD in adulthood is aptly named; away from a God focus and faith. It use to be called 'the devil' or others have called it 'satan', or as I like to say; error thinking. In error thinking the all time biggest and most relevant sin is the sin of omission - the omission of God awareness, faith in God - in any given moment. You see, it is so easy to stray from our Truth. To stray from what we know to be true for us; that we are children of God and all things are possible with God.

I have strayed. And I know this because I have felt the physical manifestations of misalignment's in my body. My heart sings of disgruntledness. My left arm has been in pain, telling me I am not receiving well and carrying too many burdens. And yesterday, in the midst of a healing session with me as the beloved; I heard my kidneys and other elements of flow speak loudly of their imbalance and need for attention.

We all stray. It is the nature of being human. Even the most faith filled, spiritually practiced being will find him or herself at some point being tempted to being distracted away from what they believe in. For me, I know God. I know and believe in God to heal, fix, align, speak, touch, create, answer........at my beckon call. I know for a fact and beyond a shadow of doubt that God is here for me, that as long as I listen and take action upon Spirits guidance; life works out amazingly! And yet, I allow myself to get distracted. I forget. I fail to call upon.

Distraction and spiritual practice are friends. In a deep spiritual practice, the element of distraction will always attempt to sway you. And in the midst of being distracted - God will always be calling. It is the Divine Nature of both.

Distraction looks different for everyone, but we all know it. For the alcoholic it is the old friend who still calls but your relationship is built around five pm cocktails. Old friends. Now that's a powerful distraction. That one comes in many relationships. We outgrow them, or grow through them and still hang on. Ex's, was-bands, platonic friends. It is the energy which bonds you. Sometimes, even our families distract us. (Who does not know this one?!)  We know what we know and then one person says one thing and zoooooooooooooooooom - we get sucked right in to old habits of thought, not even realizing we are allowing the energy of that old, negative, non empowering thought to plant another seed in our spiritual awareness. In that moment we are straying from our faith.

Distraction can be as easy and simple as a dinner invitation - and you are too afraid to say no thank you to the meat in case you hurt someones feelings because you chose to become a vegetarian and took a personal vow to your guru that you would never eat another soul again. Distraction can be the person you respect saying to you; that's silly, do you have any proof? And you shy away like a puppy with your tail between your legs and the teeniest seed of doubt is planted...........distraction can be a mate who does not take the journey with us or a brother or sister who thinks we are nuts. Or the distraction can be ever so subtle - do you have a cold? ....and then you begin thinking...do I? Do I believe in colds? I don't believe in germs......why would I have a cold? I take Zinc everyday- but they think I have a cold, may be I do believe in colds.....blah, blah, blah.

Distraction is a nasty little varmint. It keeps us caged up in our own fears with God doing whatever it takes to get our attention because we are so deeply loved by Spirit. You and I are so deeply loved by God that in Its infinite power and wisdom, God will do whatever It takes to get us to know It. It is the very Nature of God to mirror our beliefs to us in the outside world so we have an opportunity to see ourselves clearly. And we all know, sometimes we do not like what we see.

Recently, I have allowed myself to be distracted. As a minister, counselor, teacher - I have gotten caught up in my beloveds stories. I have begun to believe the lies they tell me about themselves. I am sick, they say and then I pay attention to the illness, knowing full well they are NOT sick. They are NOT the sickness, they are experiencing a time of imbalance and God is speaking to them to get back on track and pay attention to the possibilities of life. This is too hard...they whine. I then believe it IS too hard.....I can get caught up in ego - that I am the one healing, fixing, aligning them. I can forget that this is Gods work and God is the one healing and the God in them is connecting with God outside of them and they are dancing together into the realm of balance and harmony. When I forget, when I begin to think I am separate from God and have any authority what so ever; I become disgruntled. My heart feels sad and disconnected from Its source of Love - and it is - I am distracted from the Truth.

If we are going to say we believe, if we are going to choose to walk with God the Good, if we are going to speak of Truth - then we have to Trust - and no matter how it looks, seems or appears from any one elses perception -  we keep saying 'Yes, God, yes'.

Our bodies are the best vehicle God has for talking with us. This is where God knows It will get our attention. Hey, you allowed yourself to be distracted so this is going to hurt for a while until you get back on board with me! Can you hear me now?????

I admit lately, in vulnerable honesty, I have found myself exhausted from all the whiney-nss I hear. People whine a lot. They whine about this and that. They whine for YEARS about the SAME thing, over and over again. Since this whiney-ness has been bothering me so immensely I innately know and trust the Law; that I am the one who is whining. I am being shown that I am whining about something and I better get off the pot, sort to speak, and get going in another direction! I am whining because I became distracted and forgot that all things are possible with God. It doesn't much matter who distracted me, or why or how. What does matter is that in one fleeting moment of time I left my faith. I turned away from God, from my faith in goodness and all that I believe in and then that moment built on this and on that and it got bigger and larger and heavier and older until oooooooooops...... there it is. Oh, look at that. Yuck.

This is what happens when we turn away from ourselves. Which comes first, the turning away or the distraction? Can't see the distraction until you turn away...and cannot turn away unless there is a distraction..............................does it matter? No. What matters is the Truth.

YOU are a bright, beaming, beautiful Light of God. YOU are an energetic spark of the Universal Consciousness we call God, this Great Isness of Life. YOU have within you an innate awareness of Love. This Love, when focused upon, paid attention to, nurtured, celebrated and given strength will continually expand, grow and magnify God the good as magnificence in your life.

Now, here is some real juiciness - when I met my husband he was part of a band called..."The Distractions".  Ah-ha, yes, for real, honest. And it always bothered me, that name. It felt irreverent and I did not know why. Now I do.

In Gods Light and with much love, Deborah

Nothing is Ever Settled

Wow. When I use to dream about being in my mid fifties, I somehow had this unspoken image in my mind that life would be easier, that I would know more than I did then,whenever then was - that my heart would be settled, and that I would not only know what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that I would have done it already and be living off my substantial income, family investments and money wise opportunities which had come along at just the perfect time in my lovely life and right now benefiting me in such a way that the word retirement did not seem like an enemy. Of course, my life is NOTHING like that or I would have nothing to write about this early AM.

Somewhere along the psychological growth experience, my sub conscious had this imbedded dream that there was a cozy life wrapped up in beautiful cloud awaiting me. Did I come in with this misconception and/or did my family foundation enable this or perhaps both? A beautiful cloud. Really, I thought that any day now it would all shift to look like the cover of a Martha Stewart Magazine. NAUGHT!!!

Life is tough. There is simply nothing more about it to say. Anything else right now feels like a lie. Talanted friends are struggling, there is not enough work, money, opportunities, or the other to suffice. Every single day people struggle emotionally. We try. We try and every day we keep trying. We smile. We walk the line of what is 'good' and faithfilled and still.......there is unhappiness, struggle, awkwardness, pain, sorrow, sadness, anger, lying, lack of integrity, snippiness, snideness, indifference, and people who lie, manipulate and take advantage. There are misunderstandings, intolerance, unkindness, selfishness and down right meanness. There is thoughtlessness, insensitivity and scary things. Lots of scary things.

In my twenties I was married and a young mother. By the time thirty came along I was divorced. It was hard. It was hard for a plethora of reasons. Weather I was paying my karmic debts, or being just plain stupid, ignorant and naive - who knows? But it was really, really hard. It was hard emotionally with struggling in a loveless and dysfunctional marriage with an emotionally handicapped man who we now know was/is a psychopath. It was awful having to defend my choices when it was all too clear that it was all wrong. It was disgusting that my own family liked him better than me and tried to have me hospitalized. Evidently, I was an embarrassment for not going along with the stringent, upperclsss, New England guidelines of our family do's and don'ts.

In my early thirties my childhood was relived. My mid thirties, I met my second husband, endured a cancer diagnosis to health, opened an art gallery and my son went to college. My ex wandered in and out. Emotions still rocked. My heart brought me into myself and I took a stand in aligning myself with Love, Peace and what passed as righteousness. I entered the ministry, had my own televsion show, studied Buddhism, metaphysics, meditation, healing and all the items which fell under healthy, balance, alternative and harmonious.

My forties took me into marriage separation and back again. Caring for parents, illnesses and death of parents, pets and many - oh so many, parts of myself.

My fifties bring me to a perception of life which is incredibly big. Professionally, I started and closed a church, worked at several others, pioneered a www.globalministry, sat on numerous boards, volunteered at food pantries and had to swallow a few dreams along with a good percentage of my ego.

I look back at it all - I have been in and out of therapy, colored my hair at least 100 times,(last week red) been slim and heavy, brutally honest (which does not work well for me yet) and fearful to say anything (which is worse) and have yet to find a perfect way to be here, in this person I am. I have said yes, been obliging - said no, taken a stand. I have broken up with others in order to find myself, left jobs, been fired, painted, acted, published my own book and truly disliked peoples actions and even some people and continually judged myself for not being a good person because of my honest feelings......so then one tries to change their honest feelings so they can think of themselves as a good person. Exhausting. STOP the madness.

Every day is a journey into myself. I am self employed, have worked from bartending to my present life as a minister, counselor, healer. Actually, I am more of a teacher at the moment. I have never understood, nor had the grace of being labeled one thing. (As much as my parents would have liked.) You know, like my stepbrother; he is a stock broker. Nice. He has always been and when he dies he will be known as a stock broker. There was never any grey area as to how he made his living or what his business card said. I must have had at least 50 business cards.

There are moments in my self indulgentness whan I contemplate if I took the wrong road. You know, those moments of being at a V on our path and we go left instead of right? My mother always said, marry well(money) and raise a family. I laugh as I write this bacause I can hear her say; go to Texas to college, they have lots of rich, tall men. That was her advice to me. I did not listen. I never listened well to my parents - or perhaps I listened very well and did just the opposite.

Not once growing up was I asked what I wanted to do, or be, or accomplish. Not once was I offered the opportunity to dream of becoming. Once I allowed my inner dream to come out into conversation. I still can go there - to that moment in my childhood in my parents bedroom, they were getting dressed and I announced, with my heart wide open, in all my nine year old vulnerablity that I wanted to become an actress. Their response was it was hard and too many do not make it and ........go to Texas and find a tall wealthy husband.

The brutal truth is I do not know if any of us are ever settled. I yearn for settled. Part of my delusion. I was brought up to believe in settled. Settled feels like such a make believe agenda. But wouldn't settled be nice? Settled. All nestled in - nestled in a cozy, warm, abundant life with a circle of perfect friends and weekly gatherings. Nestled into a life with an overlfowing checkbook, flowing investments with 500 % returns on a quarterly basis and childern who are happy and grateful. Nestled. Summer houses and regular vacations.

Because I was brought up to believe in the illusion of settled, which now I intelligently know my parents life was not, but they lied well; I feel I am never going to attain the golden ring. I want to attain settled. And my path, my education, my knowledge, my innate awareness and the depth from which I veiw this existence lets me know in a not so gentle way that settled is most definitly an illusion. Nothing is ever settled. There is always going to be an opinion we don't like, something we want to say and feel uncomfortable even thinking about it, people we do not like, people who do not like us, people who dissapoint us and people who we dissapoint. All that is tres unsettling.

But, what we can attain is to be okay with being unsettled. To be okay with the truth that life is challenging, can be tremendously funny, joy is fleeting, humor helps, we are H-U-M-A-N. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. Perfection is the greatest illness of all. It will prevent us from discovering our selves and muddles our perceptions with a cloud of grey. Grey is boring.

Last night before going to bed I started a new Flower Essence. It reads that it will give me a 'crystalline clearness, greater independance and a confidence in my ability to skillfully handle whatever life may bring with strength and integrity of Spirit and rebalances co-dependant behavior patterns".

All this after only one dose. Wonder what I'll write tomorrow at 4:00 am?