Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Comfort

Several years ago I intitiated the "lets move to warmer climate" conversation with my husband. In the financial realm it was a good time to try it, but he/we hesitated due to familiy commitments. As I look back on that decision today, living in Massachsuetts I say 'ugh'.

Winter is always a quiet time for me. It is the nautral time to go inward, to regroup, to listen. I believe that is Gods way for us, the universal path of nature. Yet, this winter dons a bit more of it, for I am now living in the midst of 30 acres, no other houses, lots of snow and this  morning lots of ice. Clients rescheduling, me rescheduling clients, people busy with shoveling.....getting the plow man, the ice man and all coordinated.....the list goes on. This quiet time has taken me into a deeply introspective journey - looking from another perspective on this thing called life.

During the holiday season I was very busy with clients/beloveds in hospice and at end of life rituals. When anyone has three deaths in one week, our energies need a breather - a respite for the heart. And yet I see it as what has been the perfect sedge way into this reclusive philosophical mode I am in.  I have found myself standing outside looking in more than usual - and for me, that is quite a bit.

How emotions drive us - in our humanness, this idea of when we do not have the tools to deal with life on an emotional level - we shut down. Truly. Everyone does it. Some of us shut down for one conversation, others for a lifetime. Any of us who are honest at looking within ourselves has to admit, emotional health is where we find our balance. But where does it come from? If the rational mind is in charge, we shut our hearts off from feeling. If our hearts are in charge, we shut off our rational mind from having a say and pulling us out of the goop that is built up in our heart centers.

The other day I witnessed a wonderful, kind, loving mother have a hard conversation with her six year old about dying. The family had recently experienced an unexpected death of the six year olds' great aunt, who was an active part of the family. It was a difficult conversation; not only due to the topic and the age of the interrogator, but because this family does not have strong religious or spiritual foundation - no active faith in the non physical realms. It pained me to listen and when offered to share my wisdom, I was challenged to not look into this childs eyes and say; Honey, your aunt has gone home to heaven to be with God and all her angels. She is never far from your heart, her love will always be with you.

At this tme, it was not my place to bring God or heaven into this family, respecting their beliefs. I believe I said we go home to where we came from,  our bodies change into light
and transform into the sky..........but for a six year old, going home to God in heaven may have been a bit more comforting if heaven or God had been a weekly part of their lives. In my eyes, what they do have faith in leads them no where.

I love this family. They are loving and fabulous and going thru a challenging time. Other than the late aunt, there is also depression in the family effecting all of them. Everytime I am with them, I cannot help but be reminded how ones faith in the non physical realm of life is all ways a comfort. Without faith in that which we cannot see, (which is what hope is) a mystery, how does one have emotional health? Emotional balance? If I thought this was it, if like my atheist relatives & aquaintances I believed there was nothing more than 'this' - where in ones heart do we find any comfort? How do I comfort the 75 year old father whose 50 year old daughter just died when he believes this is it, when he believes everything about his daughter is done. Non existent. What does he do with the pain in his heart?  I knew his daughter for a year and a half. Her dying left a hole in my heart - I cannot imagine what it left in her families.

But my hole was rapidly filled with acknowledging the loss and knowing she is home with God, at peace and she & I commune at will.

When we do not believe in the non physical apsects of healing, of healing from within, where is the hope for balance?  Where is the comfort - the pain will move through my body and one day I will be able to feel my loved one again, hear her voice, watch for signals of her attempting to reach me from the other sdie? Where is the hope?

I often speak of finite vs infinite and in my deep pondering the infinite takes precedant. I see the pain in clients lives who have no faith in a greater goodness. I see the struggle in their lives when they cannot find a sensible, 'rational' way to see the potential of good in a situation. If one only believes in what is in front of them - why even have an imagination, a heart, a prayer?

As I continue my path as a minister, counselor and healer, I come to know more and more each day, that those without faith in the non physical, a spiritual sense of life - suffer the most. I do not like to say this, it sounds too crass, too porochial, too know it all. I hear that, I really do. It takes all I have to write this, to admit it. But I have to. Both my rational mind and my heart see the same thing - when one has no faith in an existence beyond this earthly humanness - dying is hard. To them, death is devastating, a punshment to those left here on this plane. When one cannot lift themselvs up by thier hope filled boot straps in times of darkness - knowing this too shall pass - they wade into the deep end of a dark pool and have to control their existence which then shuts them off from feeling anything at all. Death in body or death in heart?

As I have witnessed many leave this phsyical form, I have witnessed those who feel safe leaving, who have faith in God, who have faith in an after life - leave in peace. Leave beautifully. They have a foundation of faith that this is not it - and  believe they are moving into a better  life.

I watch souls who suffer from  depression  and other emotional challenges and my heart opens to their paths. They have chosen difficult paths of resistance -

My hearts goes out to the millions of souls who do not have emotional health, a healthy loving heart - a heart that says yes! There is more, there is another, there is something better!  My heart opens to those who do not honor the natural cyles of life and death in all things and believe death is punshment.

We are each here doing the best we can do at any given time, but our potential is always more and we tap into that potential through communion with Spirit. If you are reading this right now and are one of the ones who do not have a conscious spiritual life - PLEASE, create one. Look at the stars and wonder. Go to YOGA. Visit a house of worship/celebration. Contemplate what is behind the thought. Ask before you go to sleep at night to be shown a way to hope, a way to learn about the nonphsyical apsects of this thing we are doing called existing. Please, find a way to have faith in the pure possibilities of a totaly irrational, crazy and unexplainable something. Your heart may just find it comforting.

I want this for you. You have my word, that moving through difficult times is eased with faith that it is better on the other side. With faith that this too shall pass. With faith that we are all right where we need to be. With faith that you have the same potential within you that I with in me and I see your Divinity. With faith that NOTHING is too big, or too hard or too sad or too far gone for God. Nothing.


(As I was finalizing this peice, my heart chakra is wide open, aching with the sharing of this truth. From my heart to yours, with love, Deborah.)

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Determination

Last week I clicked the TV to Joyce Meyers Ministry - now you know, if you did not already; I enjoy television Evangelists, ministers, etc. Yes, even Benny Hinn sometimes gets my attention. But, back to Joyce. I really like her. Really. Yes, she interprets the bible more traditionally than I - but we seem to get to the same place.

What do I like about her? I love her passion for what she does. I love that I heard her once tell the story that when she was newly married, she thought something was wrong with her - she did not care about the garden, the laundry, the housework, the dinners, the color of the walls. All she cared about was preaching. She stated how much easier her life may have been had she been able to be like her perfect housewife neighbor; but alas, she was to preach and that is what she does.

The other day Joyce Meyers was speaking about determination. I never thought of it as spiritual attribute before - until I listened to her speak about how determined the (devil) is to get us. As I/we may say; our ego (egding God out) is out to get us! Our ego will do whatever it takes to make us believe it is in charge. We HAVE to be determined to know the good in this life. We have to be DETERMINED in our faith and belief and knowing that good prevails; even in the darkest of times.

I have been giving the word determined some time this week. Am I determined enough? Have I been
determined enough in my ministry, in my life, in my dreams. To answer honestly, no. I am determined enough in the moment of being with a loved one, in the very moments of giving a Sunday talk, in the action of a service of any kind - I am all-ways determined when it has to do with obvious God faithed moments - but what about the other moments?...and are not ALL moments God faithed moments?! What about the inner moments of doubt? Where is the determination then? And what allows a person to feel or rather to embody determination?

We KNOW when we are truly determined. And for me, being determined takes on a spiritual energy when we are determined even though the outcome on the linear plane looks not so great. We have to find ourselves determined for God! We must engage in determination when we want to see attributes of God flourishing in our lives.

The addict can doubt their own courage; but be determined to say NO! and see God come through with the courage. Determination which comes from ones Love for Spirit is opposite of determination which comes from the ego, the I can do this. I KNOW God can do this, I KNOW God can clean me up, can take away my anger, can calm my fears; I KNOW Gods courage can show up here and I am determined to see that courage, to feel that courage, to embody that courage.

In our darkest moments, in order to prevail, we say; God, I am determined here. I am utterly, purely and passionately determined to see You - so I will take this step, this one step and then watch for You. I will go to an AA meeting, I will walk into that clinic, I will tell the truth to my family, I will let go what I thought everything should look like, admit what it feels like and be determined to feel your Grace to pour through me!

Be determined to NOT let lack get you. Be DETERMINED to create space for goodness in your journey through waking the talk - show up - God WILL do the rest.

"Today I will do the best I can - and leave the rest to God."

Monday, January 3, 2011

What is my Religion?

Often I find it awkward trying to describe what it is I have faith in; exactly. That is, when asked by those who do not share my beliefs and/or have not had an experience of Spirit -God. But, I do believe this will change that. And please, let me begin by stating I overwhelmed in a very positive way, at the moment, with the palpable presence of Spirit.

A Story:

Last week I found myself at The Merrimack Valley Hospice, sitting with & supporting a beloveds family as she made her transition into the non-physical. Her name is Maureen. The last time we spoke, she and I had promised that I would remain open to her making her presence known to me, and she had my permission to try whatever she could to reach me from the other side.

In the midst of my being with her family I (coincidentally) received a phone call from a beloved who lives in Louisiana asking me about her friends end of life process and hospice. I also noticed a man I remembered. He was walking in and out of a patients room, I assuming it was a parent of his. I recognized him from having seen him a few years ago with an old friend of mine. They had been at a play, sitting in front of me, with this lovely woman I had known years and years ago. A woman who I had shared a past life with - a  woman who had been an active part of my life twenty years ago. His presence made me think of her, this woman with who I shared so much - the same college, being an artist, dating the same men with hysterical frequency, children the same age..............and having shared the first portrait of Jesus I had ever seen, she had painted.   We were ten years apart in age, but from the moment we met at her college graduation, we were akin. But, I did not know him, and simply sent blessings to  his journey and his beloveds process.

The last day I was at hospice, Spirit told me to linger a while after my purpose had been fulfilled with her family. Shortly after that in came a new patient, escorted by her daughter who I had married. The patient was an acquaintance from Newburyport. I had a moment to be with her daughter. A blessing. Then Spirit told me to visit the chapel before I left. On
 the outside of the chapel was there was a sign with the names of the givers - and I read the name of the man who oversees the Trust of the property I caretake.

I received the call Maureen had transitioned two days latter. As I drove into Newburyport from Boxford, on a road I have taken hundreds of times, I asked out loud for Maureen to let me know she had arrived safely - and I had to slow my car down and then I saw it, a road sign, Maureen Lane. I had never seen this before.

Yesterday as I was thinking about her memorial and planning my thoughts around my words I asked Spirit to show me her obituary. I awoke this morning in the wee hours to find my husband had bought the Globe, which since we are now a cyber paper reading family was odd. There it was, Maureen's obituary, just as I had asked. And also, there it was, the unexpected - my old friends obituary - she had died one day after Maureen, in the same hospice. The man I recognized had been with his beloved as she died. Our pathes continued to cross. I had walked by her room. Our lifelines, our knowing of one another, from lifetimes ago.

Twenty years ago I went for a past life regression and learned that this woman, called Erin in this life and I had been lovers. She had died in my arms during the Martin Luther religious wars. Her name had been Caterine, mine had been David. I was protestant, a soldier. She was Catholic, a maiden. When I shared my experience with her she cried. She had just written a short story the previous week and our story was her short story! And her daughter in this present life, her first word was Caterine - and no one knew why. 

So it appears that Maureen let me know she arrived on the Other Side - and that Erin,(Caterine) and I shared another dying process.

And so it continues - my deep Faith in this called Life. That at any one moment all emotions and aspects of life and death are happening. That the bigness and infinite sense of this thing called Life is more immense than we could possibly imagine. That God is CONSTANTLY present - and that we are eternally connected. We are connected through the Great Creator and we will always be. Nothing dies - it continues in a new form.  My religion? To remain open, at all times, to the non-physical aspects of God, that which connects us in Love.