Monday, April 2, 2012

This my birthday week...and this upcoming birthday celebration has been the first year to gain my inner attention. I have always been one of those people who when asked how old they are had to double check the math first - never held onto age before. Till now.

I am not holding on to the aging awareness as much as I have noticed the generational gaps. I like who I am, how I do life, some days I even feel I look okay...but I have noticed (over and over and over) how old fashioned I am about technology. I made peace with the music gap years ago.....but this techno thing has got me. It is necessary - or is it? I just spent way too much time deciding to buy an ipod or another CD player. I learned, weighed, and ended up buying another CD player. They all have ipod docks....but I intentionally chose the one which HID the docking station so I would not have to be reminded every time I looked at it, that I feel so behind the times, older than, outdated. Although, we just upgraded our phones ( so I could receive emails) and I feel very proud of that....still learning the benefits...........and if honest, I miss my flip phone. It was easier to use, more convenient, more private.

I often hear a naggy old women's voice in my head (who IS that?????)  every so often say: "why don't they just pick up the phone and CALL me." I really don't get it. And text messages can be about really IMPORTANT issues........how does that make sense to me? It simply doesn't. I get that time may be an issue, but if it turns into a string of texts - a phone call would have been faster. And an important topic deserves time & a voice.

Is all this technology making us less intimate? I believe it can. Convenience is one thing - and avoidance is another.

One should NOT use texts or emails for important emotional issues. But you say, what about letter writing, isn't it the same? No, it is not. When you write a letter, the process itself calls you to deepen your thinking and many times you will reread it before mailing. Emails and texts are fast, quick, now. No checking. No depth. You know what happens when you use a fast, convenient device for important, emotional, concerning issues? They get misunderstood. Truly. Think about it. How many times have you felt misunderstood due to another hearing something in your text or email you did not put there? How often have you read an email or text and wondered...what did they mean? Were they trying to be funny? Is this a joke?

And then there is the scheduling. I get that it is more convenient to have all the info you need in your life in a 3 x 5 , 1/4 inch thin electronic gizmo. And some day, (I can feel it nudging at me), as a multi busy woman in private practice I may tend to explore....(someday not now).....the idea of it...... BUT  where does the connection from my hand to my heart go........the connection which happens when I write your name in my day planner?  I love that connection, some moments it feels ritualistic to acknowledge your trust in me and my love for your journey as I place you in the preferred time slot.

As far as ease, I have seen people take ten times as long getting the info INTO their fancy planning device item as it takes me to write it down on my journal and your next appointment card.

Yes, there is a great generational divide. I am aware of it. It is natural.

Another birthday process for me has been looking at the women in my life who are close to my heart and seeing where I am in them. I have sat with the energy of the women closest to me, the ones I have a connection with, and thought: what are you mirroring for me? What is it about you which pushes my boundaries, my comfort zone, my buttons? What is it about you which I respect, seek and adore? Where do I see all that juiciness in myself?

Through this mirroring journey i have seen anger and wondered where it was in me. I have seen a strong woman feel dis-empowered.........where is that in me? I have seen a woman I deeply respect pull through a very challenging journey........where is that in me? I have heard women I love be judgemental.......where is that in me? I have seen women I adore need to be the center of attention........where is that in me? I see women love deeply and loyally, laugh outrageously, huddle in joy, rise up in ego, set them selves apart, give generously, be kind beyond words. And in all that I found tidbits and more of the same in my own self. Knowing that it can only come to me if it is in my own vibration....and knowing that if I do more than simply observe, if I get pushed........then I can look for that in me and go................Oh, there you are...let's find the root and love you so deeply you can leave into Light.

I think this is what I love the most about 'maturing'.........to have the wisdom and the faith to really see and know myself. To see one's self takes more courage than one would ever expect - but when you do, when you can, when you are able to see how you show up - well, then all walls are down and grace descends through all experiences.

So, this is another year since I landed in this incarnation. This will be my 58th birthday. So far, its been pretty incredible. I have had an amazing year and I look forward to more amazing life to unfold in the upcoming 59th year of my life (this time around).

Thank you for all of it -
Bliss & Bless, Deborah